Plight of the Introvert: Overgiving

I have a tendency, in certain situations, to give too much, to the point that I neglect myself. Inevitably I wind up overcompensating and pulling into myself.

I did this when I was a leader at the youth group. I agreed, even volunteered, to do more and more. I wound up being the first person there and the last person to leave quite often, and I was only the help. I agreed to do lock-ins with the kids when I really didn't want to (meaning pulling an all-nighter after working all day and then having to go to work on no sleep), but I never said a word about my preference. Eventually, I got burnt out, and had to quit in order to take care of myself. I went full bore, then suddenly did nothing.

I learned what it means to really love someone and committed myself fully to my relationship, to the point that I was sacrificing sleep, personal interests, and pretty much always put her needs and wants before my own. I didn't change who I was, but I neglected my own desires, as well as my own physical needs. I think my outlook was healthy (sacrificing something as minor as video games is nothing in comparison to the one you love), but I went overboard with it. And when that relationship ended, I found myself not wanting to do anything for anyone else; I just wanted to be selfish.

Fortunately, I was aware of what I was doing the second time. I was able to keep myself from indulging in the selfishness, and I only withdrew a fraction of what I might have. I am aware of this tendency, so I am learning to cope with it. I am also learning when and where I need to hold back from giving myself entirely to something. It is still difficult, as my natural inclination is to neglect myself, but I am taking steps to be better all around. I have people I can talk to, I am removing myself from certain scenarios where this is an issue, and I am trying to maintain a more level head on both sides of the equation (and doing well so far).

I have an idea where a lot of this comes from. It isn't so much a people-pleaser problem, but that does factor in to a small degree. It's an issue of learning a subtle truth: Selflessness does NOT mean a complete disregard for self. I know this intellectually; the trick is learning to live it.